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"No Thugs in Our House" is a song by Andy Partridge. It appeared on and was released as a single for the 1982 album English Settlement.

A live in-studio version, for BBC, appeared on Drums and Wireless, later on the 1998 Transistor Blast box set.

XTC performed the song on British music show, The Old Grey Whistle Test. A promo video was released with the single edit of the song superimposed onto the Test performance.

Single tracklistingEdit

  1. A-side: "No Thugs in Our House (edit)"
  2. B-side 1: "Chain of Command"
  3. B-side 2: "Limelight" (Colin Moulding)
  4. B-side 3: "Over Rusty Water"

QuotesEdit

Andy (on BBC version): “I get to do my Johnny Winter impression with big screams. This is rougher than the album version because it was banged out very quickly live, but at least as good as the album version for different reasons.”

LyricsEdit

The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the line

The husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying their cushion-floor

His viscous poly-paste breath comes out,

Their wall-paper world is shattered by his shout,

A boy in blue is busy banging out a headache on the kitchen door


And all the while Graham slept on,

Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to


No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear,

We made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy


No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear,

We made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy


The young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will open up his book,

And spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians who have been so badly kicked,

Is this your son's wallet I've got here?

He must have dropped it after too much beer

Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one you've picked


And all the while Graham slept on,

Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to


No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear,

We made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy


No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear,

We made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy


They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer,

They never read that tattoo on his arm

They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore,

They never thought he'd do folks any harm


The insect-headed worker wife will hang her waspies on the line

She's singing something stale and simple now this business has fizzled out

Her little tune is such a happy song

Her son is innocent, he can't do wrong,

'Cos dad's a judge and knows exactly what the job of judging's all about


And all the while Graham slept on,

Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to


No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear,

We made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy


No thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear,

We made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy

No thugs in our house

VideosEdit

The Old Grey Whistle TestEdit

Live on The Old Grey Whistle Test. Uploaded by YouTube user "baronvonkleist."

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